For this week’s rumble, we decided to do something a little different.
Each rumbler was assigned to pick 5 pictures, one for each of the following categories:
- Famous person/people
- Non-famous person/people
- Inanimate Object
- Wildcard (whatever you want)
Short blurbs were optional but encouraged.
What follows is the result of this assignment.
If you can’t tell exactly what is happening in the above screenshot: former world champion eater Takeru Kobayashi is competing against a thousand-pound bear in an eating contest on the short-lived FOX show Man vs. Beast. I haven’t decided what the best thing about this image is: the fact that I found it on eBaum’s World, the fact that there is an American flag hanging over the bear, or the fact that a man could possibly think he could defeat a bear in an eating contest. Actual quotes from the announcers: “No hands for the bear. Unbelievable,” “He looks away and he takes a break because he doesn’t know it’s a competition,” and my personal favorite, “When the bear came out, I saw a flash of fear in Kobayashi’s eyes because he’s never faced a competition like this.”
P.S. Counting this as my animal picture.
The Bottom Right
When I learned of this week’s theme, I quickly regressed from a state of boylike excitement to a state of utter panic. 5 pictures? Of all the amazing pictures on the internet you want me to pick FIVE? I’m the dude who spends his leisure time locked on google images browsing images of “Sam Cassell’s head.” ”Funny dog photo.” ”Funny Bill Cosby photo.” “Weird talents involving at least three limbs photo.” I’ve searched it all and seen it all. I could not possibly pick five, even given the category parameters described at the top.
So I narrowed my pool. Writing this post on my phone at the airport, I figured why not pick from the 2,000 plus photos on my phones camera roll? So, I did.
Enjoy this random assortment of pics I’ve snapped over the last couple years. Then google image “butter stick” ASAP.
#1 Category: Animal photo
This is an epic picture of my dog. The second most epic thing my dog ever did besides getting captured for this photo happened every time she responded to the question “who let the dogs out?” with a perfectly timed “Woof. Woof woof woof.” Does your dog sing anything by the Baja Men? Does your dog sing at all? Didn’t think so. Love you Tamdog.
#2 Category: Nonfamous person/people
I snapped this photo during intermission of my lil cousin’s middle School play. While perusing the various class photos on the hallway wall, I came across the great 8th grade class of 2001. Out of hundreds of kids, this cluster caught my eye for two reasons, and made me wonder who was a scarier dodgeball player in middle school gym class: Cobain or Iverson?
#3 Category: Famous person/people
#4 Category: Inanimate object
Pizza hut lady: “What would you like to drink?”
Me: “Four raspberry lemonades.”
Pizza hut lady: “Sir, did you know there are free refills-”
Me: “I SAID FOUR RASPBERRY LEMONADES…. STAT.”
Don’t worry I tipped her 20%.
#5 Category: Wildcard
Don’t forget about “butter stick.”
<3, Pete the Peasant
Category #1: Animal
The blobfish is physically incapable of making a smile. This is because the blobfish has no bone structure and also because he is a blob. But scientists say that even if the blobfish were capable of making a smile, he would have nothing to smile about because he is the ugliest creature on earth. The blobfish is so forlorn. It is rumored that the blobfish was the inspiration for those animated creatures in Zoloft commercials. Additionally, this particular blobfish has an unidentified substance leaking out of his mouth.
Category #2: Celebrity
This is what you get when you Google Image search “celebrity.” Actually, that’s not completely true. When you Google Image “celebrity,” you get almost nothing but good lookin’ actresses and singers. Good lookin’ smiles. Good lookin’ hair. Good lookin’ boobs. And then… Bruce Willis. The undead. Look at this line-up; poor Bruce stands out like Lil Wayne in a Mormon Church.
Also, I have an important question to ask the person responsible for this Photoshop job: What exactly is Mr. Willis supposed to be here? He has the ears of an elf, the teeth of a vampire, the eyes of a Siberian husky, and the forehead of someone who forgot to wear his helmet to Roller Derby. In the future (should you decide to Photoshop anyone else from the cast of The Expendables) please pick one menacing demon and stick to it. Thank you.
Category #3: Non Celebrity
BTW, this website has the best photos on the internet. Trying to pick just one was impossible.
Category #4: Inanimate Object(s)
A couple months ago I started writing a piece for this blog about mannequins. If you follow this blog religiously (Hi Ravi), you will have noticed that I never posted this piece. It’s still in the works. I don’t want to give too much away now, but to give you sneak peak of what’s to come, I created this short film.
Please watch: with sound, full screen, and at your own risk.
In short, I think mannequins are the spawn of Satan.
Category #5: Wildcard